The Obligatory "Holiday!" Update- Thanksgiving Edition

Between eating the strangest assortment of foods ever seen together on a table, (If it wasn't for Thanksgiving, who would ever eat cranberries and stuffing?), listening to my Uncle lament the introduction of minorities into his quaint Gettysburg neighborhood, (something he called either "The Browning of America" or "Mexification"), and hearing everyone and their cousin make fun of my hair, ("He looks like a hippy. No. Worse."), no one seemed to want to discuss the central issue of Thanksgiving.

The Indians.

Those guys get a raw fuckin' deal, man. Smallpox? Genocide? Andrew Jackson? Casinos? White people have done some pretty messed up things to our tribal brothers. Thanksgiving is to the Indians as The Nantucket Whaling Museum is to the Endangering of Whales: open mockery. If by some act of providence, the state of Texas was forced to live on a reservation, we might celebrate some new-fangled holiday by shootin' our rifles, and wearin' our coonskin caps. Football, however, would remain part of the tradition.

I asked my (questionably) Asian friend what she planned to do over the holiday. My innocent question was met with a "Why? Do you think Asians don't celebrate Thanksgiving, man? You tryin'a be some sorta ASIAN HATER?". To be fair, that was kind of what I was thinking. Anyways, back to the Native Americans. I don't really know how that last anecdote was relevant, but hey, this is a blog. None of this shit is relevant.

Indians. Right. Anyways, when I put up my typical indignant Facebook status, (Facebook statuses are the new mood ring!), I got some comments* on it. "We didn't kill the indians, man. Diseases did." and "They were on the pilgrims land. It's manifest destiny!" I like to think these will be two of the main characters when I make first graders put on a play about the aforementioned Texas subjugation.

To summarize, people, like pigeons, are dicks.

*Spelling and grammar edited, for your viewing pleasure.